DO WE LIVE IN A JUDGMENTAL CULTURE?

Some say YES – some say NO.  What’s the difference?  We all live in the same world . . .

Well, the world mirrors what we are inside, what believe about ourself.

When someone is judgmental, most people don’t understand what’s really going on.

Judgement can alleviate ONE TYPE of pressure from a social discomfort, but it doesn’t alleviate the REAL DISCOMFORT!

If I judge you for doing something I don’t like, something I think is “bad”, I feel a little bit more worthy, that’s what judgement does.

JUDGMENT BOSTERS THE FRAGILE EGO!

That’s why people say, “When people judge me, it says more about them than it does about me.”  That’s true.

If you are judging, it says that you are in that lower vibrational place of judgement, rather than the higher vibrational place of acceptance, love, compassion.

If I judge you, I am limiting my own emotional energy – it may mask my own insecurity or disowned part of myself, but it doesn’t heal the root of that disconnect within me.

JUDGMENT OF YOU DOESN’T MAKE ME OUTGROW MY INSECURITY!

JUDGMENT OF YOU DOESN’T INTEGRATE THE PART OF ME I REJECT (that part of me that I don’t accept, that I judge when I see it in you.)

I hear from so many people that they are tired of being judged.

I get it, I wouldn’t want to walk around feeling judged either – AND it doesn’t stop unless we know and take responsibility for where the judgment comes from, OURSELVES!  WE CREATE IT!

Well, maybe we didn’t create it, but we sure as hell perpetuate it!

If you are in a defensive place, defending against being judged, you are still in that judgmental place – you are just on the other side of it.

While it feels better to be on the other side of it, THERE’S A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OF PEACE AND JOY POSSIBLE.

Are you ready to step into a greater level of peace and joy?

IT IS EASY TO STOP BEING JUDGED!

Stop judging yourself – when you stop judging yourself, it means you are accepting yourself.

When you accept yourself, you raise your vibration and you won’t be confronted with judgement.

Or when someone does judge you, it won’t stick – you blow it off, EASILY.

In order to be disturbed by someone’s judgment, there has to be some kind of hook within us.

When we eliminate that hook inside us, the judgment can’t take hold.

Are you ready to quit putting so much energy into defending yourself?

Are you ready to feel massive amounts of energy into making your life peaceful and joyful?

Be REAL.  Be RAW.  Make Your Life AWESOME.

Victim Mindset: A “HOW TO”

HOW TO PLAY THE VICTIM

Only date and marry codependent people.

Ignore when you say potentially offensive shit to other people.  (You are probably ignorant of how that shit leaks out sideways anyway.)

Ignore how your personal issues play into your reaction to what another person does.  (Stay focused on how everything is THEIR FAULT.)

You need to feel insecure about your worth, so you can paint the other person as “bad” (which means you must be “good, worthy”).

Ignore the fact that the pain you feel is a result of telling yourself a victim story.  (Doomsday stories are always true.)

Stay away from the RAW pain that you’ve always had.  (Keep telling yourself you healed that shit!  If it weren’t for this asshole, you would be fine.)

Only tell others about your good intentions and caring actions.  (Don’t talk about how you may have contributed to the situation.)

Criticize!  Criticize!  Criticize!  (And minimize what you did!)

State every feeling as a fact.  (nothing is open for interpretation.)

Bring up old stuff that already got resolved and talk about it as if it never got dealt with.  (This one is GOLD!)

Make everything about you.  (No one respects you anyway, you have to make them listen to you.)

Be REAL.  Be RAW.  Make Your Life AWESOME.

I should have been Aborted!

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED!

It’s so clear to me.

I should have been aborted, smashed, burned, and destroyed. I have no right to be here. I am too fucked up to accept or to love.

At least that’s how it sounds in my head when I get triggered at the deepest level.

No wonder I am so fucking good working with people who need to be accepted in their pain, huh?!

We grow up believing that our behavior determines our worth – If we do good, then we are good.

WHAT A LOAD OF HORSESHIT!

The truth is just the opposite: You are worthy of love and there’s nothing you have to do in order to deserve that love.

When we do things that are not good, it is just our hurt, fear, unawareness, for ignorance that is being expressed as bad behavior. That bad behavior does not come from the core of Who We Are.

THE CORE OF YOU IS DIVINE – AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

SO , If I am truly DIVINE and I am feeling that I have no right to be here, and I am too messed up to deal with, that I should go away and die – the opposite belief would have to be the truth, right?

What would be the opposite?

I have every right to be here. I am worth being around and that I should stay and live an incredible life – I am welcome here and lovable. I don’t have to do anything or be anything to be loved.

WHEN THESE DEEP, CORE ISSUES GET TRIGGERED, OUR BEHAVIOR IS REACTIVE AND FEARFUL.

During those times, we need to do two big things:

1. Look inside and get clear about what is getting triggered – cleaning up whatever circumstance triggered us needs to happen later.

2. Communicate what we is getting triggered inside, and in a specific way.

Example: My sweetie got scared that I don’t love her and don’t care. We all have fears, that’s cool.

All was good until she said, “You don’t care about me.”

My defenses went up, and everything went to shit. She as already triggered, now so was I.

What I should have said was: “I just heard you say that I don’t care about you. I got really triggered when you said that. I understand you getting scared and that’s ok, but what got triggered in me is that IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT I DONT CARE WHILE I REALLY DO CARE, THEN IN MY MIND, YOU CAN MAKE UP ANY STORY ABOUT ME AND I MIGHT GET THROWN AWAY FOR SOMETHING I DIDNT DO.

My trigger comes from the womb. I felt like I got thrown away (must have been bad to get that, right?) But I didn’t really do anything to deserve it.

So when I hear I hear you saying something bad about me or how I feel that’s not true, it triggers this huge thing inside me.

Please say, “I am feeling insecure. I know you love me and I want you to pat me on the head and tell me everything is ok, that I feel good to you and that you love me. I got really scared that you don’t love me.”

Then it’s going to land really well with me.”

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ME ADDRESSING MY TRIGGER BEFORE ADDRESSING E SITUATION ETWEEN US.

Now, ideally she would have done that, too, and we all have tough times, that’s ok, too.

WHAT TRIGGERS YOU?

How do you react when you get triggered?

How would you like to react?

Be REAL. Be RAW. MAKE your life AWESOME.