“I thought she had DENTI-RECTU-MYOSIS! I wanted to bite her on the ass!” I said.
The morning after a high school reunion, I told that joke at breakfast with 4 people from HS. These four people had been gossiping, criticizing, judging, and even diagnosing what mental disorder a woman had after seeing this woman dancing in a really sexy way the night before at the reunion.
I thought it was funny as shit! It was a good joke, yes?! (It was one I adapted from a joke my dad had told me 30 years ago. I’ll share the original joke at the end of this post.)
When I told that joke, and said I wanted to bite her on the ass, I saw four people look shocked, offended- almost disgusted, and one of them (a 45 year old woman) even covered her ears and said, “Oh, I’m going to get corrupted.”
I thought, “That’s exactly where I got it. That’s how I learned to have so much shame.”
SEX IS BAD! DESIRE IS BAD! IF YOU HAVE DESIRE, YOU ARE BAD!!!
I am soooo fucking glad I escaped that way of thinking!
I grew up with some nasty, toxic shame around my sexuality and sexual energy,
AND I HAD ENORMOUS DESIRE!
I must be bad, right?!
So I learned to hide. In order to be somewhat accepted, I had to hide my desire and my sexual energy. I had to hide one of the most important parts of me!
There is so much hurt in this world, especially around sex, and with the interplay between sex and relationships.
SEX IS THE EASIEST WAY TO TOUCH THE DIVINE.
Why the fuck would it be considered a sin? Why would it be referred to as wicked?
Notice your language around sex, notice how other’s talk about it, notice your feelings when you think about having sex, notice your feelings when you think about others having sex, and notice your feelings when you think about your partner having sex with someone else.
Any hurt come up? Any judgement come up?
If you found out your partner had sex with someone else, would you hope they got EVERYTHING they needed and felt empowered, and felt like they had been held in the heart of the Divine?
I really want to caution people to be aware of anything even remotely associating sexual energy, attraction, and desire with wickedness.
Even when we make a joke calling someone evil because they ignite our desire, we need to be aware of the spiritual blessing in that desire!
I got the message that any desire is bad! Therefore, I MUST BE BAD!
It has taken a lot of work to embrace my own desire! I HAVE TO ACCEPT ME! WTF?!?!
Wait, You mean that I never would have felt judged or bad or shame IF I HAD JUST ACCEPTED ME?!?!?!
I wish I had been taught growing up how to feel my desire and keep it balanced with EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY! How awesome would that would have been!
I work with so many people that judge themselves so severely for their desire, and for acting on their desire.
WERE YOU GIVEN THE TOOLS OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY GROWING UP?
OK, back to wickedness (and judgement). The only way wickedness comes in is when we feel desire and have our hearts shut-down, but really not even then!
The effect this type of fear-based judgment has is to introduce a bit of hesitation and doubt into all the love we feel for others and from others – it makes the love CONDITIONAL, isn’t the goal UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?!?!
SEX IS INTENDED TO BRING US CLOSER TO DIVINITY!
My grandmother, a Medicine Woman, said, “We are never closer to God than when we are having sex.”
That’s so true – EVEN IF WE IGNORE THE SPIRITUAL OPENING THAT IS AVAILABLE TO US!
Even when we have our heart disconnected from sex, it is not wickedness or the devil – it is just that when we keep our heart shut down, we are not able to feel the full blessing of the divine – only the pull towards the divine.
When humans have sex without heart, and you mix in fear of abandonment, self-worth issues, poor boundaries, a lot of hurt can happen.
Well, a lot of hurt can happen when those issue get involved even when the heart is pretty open and present! It is just magnified when we have sex and we have all those hurts boiling inside!
When we don’t have the TOOLS to deal with the hurts inside, we blame sex, our partners, ourselves for the hurt.
When we don’t have the TOOLS to deal with the hurts inside, WE JUDGE! We make sex BAD – We make others BAD – We make OURSELVES BAD!
This thing about judging ourselves is a cultural pandemic!
Judging ourselves is a warped way of looking at GOD!
If God is LOVE, and God made such powerful drives that open us up emotionally and spiritually, then how the fuck could we be bad for feeling something that gets us closer to GOD?
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN ORDER TO EMBRACE EVERY DESIRE YOU HAVE, TO FEEL IT, AND TO ENGAGE AND PURSUE ALL THOSE DESIRE THAT WOULD LEAD TO THE HIGHEST GOOD?
And how would you have to think in order to feel a desire that, if you pursued it, would not lead to the highest good?
Answer below in the comments.
Be REAL. Be RAW. Make Your Life AWESOME!
P.S. OK, the original joke was that someone had OPTI-RECTU-MYOSIS, it’s where the neurons governing the visual perception get fused with neurons controlling the rectum – YOU END UP WITH A REALLY SHITTY OUTLOOK ON LIFE!
P.P.S. Don’t have Opti-Rectu-Myosis, get the TOOLS you need in your Emotional, Spiritual, and Communication toolbox to make your life AWESOME!
P.P.P.S. To all those women with DENTI-RECTU-MYOSIS, KEEP DANCING! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU LET YOUR BODY MOVE!