I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED!
It’s so clear to me.
I should have been aborted, smashed, burned, and destroyed. I have no right to be here. I am too fucked up to accept or to love.
At least that’s how it sounds in my head when I get triggered at the deepest level.
No wonder I am so fucking good working with people who need to be accepted in their pain, huh?!
We grow up believing that our behavior determines our worth – If we do good, then we are good.
WHAT A LOAD OF HORSESHIT!
The truth is just the opposite: You are worthy of love and there’s nothing you have to do in order to deserve that love.
When we do things that are not good, it is just our hurt, fear, unawareness, for ignorance that is being expressed as bad behavior. That bad behavior does not come from the core of Who We Are.
THE CORE OF YOU IS DIVINE – AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
SO , If I am truly DIVINE and I am feeling that I have no right to be here, and I am too messed up to deal with, that I should go away and die – the opposite belief would have to be the truth, right?
What would be the opposite?
I have every right to be here. I am worth being around and that I should stay and live an incredible life – I am welcome here and lovable. I don’t have to do anything or be anything to be loved.
WHEN THESE DEEP, CORE ISSUES GET TRIGGERED, OUR BEHAVIOR IS REACTIVE AND FEARFUL.
During those times, we need to do two big things:
1. Look inside and get clear about what is getting triggered – cleaning up whatever circumstance triggered us needs to happen later.
2. Communicate what we is getting triggered inside, and in a specific way.
Example: My sweetie got scared that I don’t love her and don’t care. We all have fears, that’s cool.
All was good until she said, “You don’t care about me.”
My defenses went up, and everything went to shit. She as already triggered, now so was I.
What I should have said was: “I just heard you say that I don’t care about you. I got really triggered when you said that. I understand you getting scared and that’s ok, but what got triggered in me is that IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT I DONT CARE WHILE I REALLY DO CARE, THEN IN MY MIND, YOU CAN MAKE UP ANY STORY ABOUT ME AND I MIGHT GET THROWN AWAY FOR SOMETHING I DIDNT DO.
My trigger comes from the womb. I felt like I got thrown away (must have been bad to get that, right?) But I didn’t really do anything to deserve it.
So when I hear I hear you saying something bad about me or how I feel that’s not true, it triggers this huge thing inside me.
Please say, “I am feeling insecure. I know you love me and I want you to pat me on the head and tell me everything is ok, that I feel good to you and that you love me. I got really scared that you don’t love me.”
Then it’s going to land really well with me.”
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ME ADDRESSING MY TRIGGER BEFORE ADDRESSING E SITUATION ETWEEN US.
Now, ideally she would have done that, too, and we all have tough times, that’s ok, too.
WHAT TRIGGERS YOU?
How do you react when you get triggered?
How would you like to react?
Be REAL. Be RAW. MAKE your life AWESOME.