YOU LEARNED TO LIE! YOU LEARNED TO PLAY IT SAFE!
I know I did!
I learned to not share ME in a vulnerable way!
I have an incredible amount of love to give and I learned to HIDE the love that I have.
I make space for everyone’s vulnerability and make a big enough space that everyone feels emotionally held warmly and snugly and still expansive at the same time – that really is in my zone of genius.
It’s an awesome skill to have as a therapist – not so good to have if I want close satisfying relationships – in order to have close relationships, I have to share ALL OF ME, otherwise I am not fully engaged.
I learned to ONLY share what I sensed that people could handle. Why share more if people are going to freak out?!?!!!!
“IF YOU SHARE YOUR REAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU ARE A DEVIANT!”
I grew up in a really conservative, rule-based religious environment – I have always longed for Spiritual FREEDOM!
I grew up in a sexually repressed culture – I have always longed to be sexually free!
I grew up in a judgmental area that SHAMED people into conformity – I longed for a world not fueled by FEAR!
I THOUGHT I WAS JUST A FUCK-UP!
Everyone told me I was wrong. I felt their judgment.
Their convictions ran deep. I must be a fuck up, right?!
Have you ever seen that FB meme that says, “We are all a bunch of Perverts; some of us are just more honest about it!”
It’s true! But not just about LOVE and SEX!
It is a cultural thang! So many of us learned to hide our insecurities in hopes that we won’t be REJECTED and JUDGED – we learned to hide so we could be accepted!
REJECTION AND JUDGMENT SUCK!!!
When we get rejected and judged, we feel like our very SECURITY is on the line.
When people get triggered, they get into judgement and they push away whatever/whoever triggered them.
When people get triggered they vomit their shit all over you. It is like they dip a big paint brush into a bucket of their insecurities and completely cover and SMOTHER you with their “stuff.”
They project all their fears and insecurities onto you – often it feels like they are JUDGING you and/or BLAMING you – they are judging you for BEING WHO YOU ARE!
Have you ever shared something personal, vulnerable and felt like you got PUNISHED for it?
What’s the solution?
We NEED to be open and vulnerable to create close relationships (you can’t have emotional intimacy without it) AND we need to be accepted which necessitates not pushing people’s buttons to the point that they flip out on us, right?
What do you do?
Good news! There is a solution!
The solution should have been taught to us when we were little.
The solution is sooooo fucking simple – and so fucking hard to learn!
The keys to acceptance, security, and vulnerability are our birthright!
Were you given those keys?
When you UN-LEARN how to be un-accepted,
When you un-learn how to be un-secure,
When you un-learn how to be un-vulnerable,
Then you get to practice being ACCEPTED, feeling SECURE, and VULNERABILITY starts to feel really good.
These are just TOOLS that we need in our emotional, and spiritual toolbox. They are the tools with shich we buld an awesome life.
DO YOU HAVE THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO TRANSFORM INTO LIVING YOUR MOST AWESOME LIFE?!
Any guesses what those keys and those tools are?