THE DEPTHS OF MY ARROGANCE
Dis-illusionment, insecurity, self-doubt, fear of judgment, fear of failure – sound familiar?
I just read something that humbled me.
“Wake up early to journal about my greatest fears and scariest dreams. I stare at my naked self through my writing because I know the gaps in my reality are precisely what I need to become intimate with in order to grow into my higher self.”
Holy Shit! I am so proud of this sister and her vulnerability!
I WAS FUCKING FLOORED!
We all have “DON’T GO THERE” places inside. Places we don’t want to acknowledge or talk about.
I WISH IT WOULD JUST GO AWAY!
Isn’t that the motto for our “DON’T GO THERE” places inside.
I mean, Ignorance is bliss, right?!?! It worked for the generations before us, right?!?!?!
YEAH, FUCK THAT!
It never worked for me – at least not for long, we always pay the price for it.
I MADE A DEAL WITH SPIRIT ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO.
When I made this deal, I had already been walking my Spiritual path for 15 years, doing the best I could,
coming out of hiding,
and ALWAYS COMING BACK TO DO THE WORK.
That 15 years could have been better, faster – It could have been a helluvalot worse.
I had great guidance, good teachers, and I got confronted as hard and deep as I felt like I could handle at each point.
The point is that it was perfect for me – the right teachers and elders, the right ceremonies, the right balance of build-me-up support and kick-my-ass support.
And I am thankful for all of it, even the gut-wrenching-feel-like-my-soul-is-being-ripped-out parts.
What was the deal I made with Spirit?
It was sometime in the 6 months before my 16th year of SunDancing. SunDance is 4 days, no food, no water, where the dancers are dancing their life’s path (represented by a physical path in the dance arbor) and getting more and clear about who they are and how they are to serve the Divine in this life – that’s the simplest description, though woefully inadequate.
I said to Spirit/Divinity:
I WANT TO GO ALL THE WAY. I WANT TO BECOME ENLIGHTENED. I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS.
That felt arrogant, although it was true – that was my desire.
I DON’T CARE IF IT TAKES A HUNDRED LIFETIMES TO GET THERE.
Then a chill came over me as I felt myself COMMITT to this desire.
AND I AM WILLING TO WALK THROUGH THE FIRE OF MY OWN PAIN TO GET THERE.
My grandmother, the medicine woman, started crying when I told her this.
She said, “Little one, did you hear what you just said? I am so sorry for the pain you are about to go through and so proud of the path you are walking. Oh, little one, I pray that they teach you will as gentle lessons, if you will allow it.”
WELL, I AM STUBBORN AS FUCK! IT HASN’T BEEN GENTLE.
As Brene Brown said, “You know how there are people that when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they kind of surrender and walk into it: A, That’s not me. B, I don’t even hang out with people like that. For me it was a year-long street fight – it was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed; I pushed back. I lost the fight and probably won my life back.”
For me, it felt like years of repeatedly getting KICKED IN THE BALLS!
And at every point I was aware of the gift that was evolving – even when I didn’t want to look at the gift, so I could play the victim and say “poor me.”
EVERY ILLUSION I HAD and
EVERY PLACE I WAS HIDING
got TORN THE FUCK DOWN.
This is what I asked for, Right?!
We can’t see the TRUTH if we are hiding behind our ILLUSIONS.
No wonder I am so good at helping people see through their own illusions and insecurities – I am the master at hiding them!
I KNOW ALL THE TRICKS!
Through major dis-illusionment, through major self-doubt, insecurity, fear of judgment, fear of failure, and loss of friends and family, I found my way.
My life is my work and my business – vulnerability is my business – being exposed is my business.
In today’s noisy world of social media, vulnerability and RAWness is the only thing that people notice.
More importantly, VULNERABILITY and RAWness are the only way to make our lives as awesome as we really dream of them being.
Does that make sense? What goes on inside when you read that?
AREN’T YOU HUNGRY TO BEGIN GROWING INTO THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN DREAMING OF BEING?!!!!!
Do you want the TOOLS and SUPPORT and GUIDANCE to address these issues before they become problems?
Do you have the communication skills to make your relationships AWESOME?
I help people like you to bypass the negative consequences that running from our “DON’T GO THERE” places bring.
With support, guidance, massive compassion, a healthy dose of humor, and a mindset for life success, you can begin living the life of which you have always dreamed.
Sounds impossible? Somewhere deep inside this is the journey you are LONGING FOR!!!
Get in touch with me now to begin your adventure.