Disillusionment, insecurity, self-doubt, fear of judgment, & fear of failure

THE DEPTHS OF MY ARROGANCE

Dis-illusionment, insecurity, self-doubt, fear of judgment, fear of failure – sound familiar?

I just read something that humbled me.

“Wake up early to journal about my greatest fears and scariest dreams. I stare at my naked self through my writing because I know the gaps in my reality are precisely what I need to become intimate with in order to grow into my higher self.”

Holy Shit! I am so proud of this sister and her vulnerability!

I WAS FUCKING FLOORED!

We all have “DON’T GO THERE” places inside. Places we don’t want to acknowledge or talk about.

I WISH IT WOULD JUST GO AWAY!

Isn’t that the motto for our “DON’T GO THERE” places inside.

I mean, Ignorance is bliss, right?!?! It worked for the generations before us, right?!?!?!

YEAH, FUCK THAT!

It never worked for me – at least not for long, we always pay the price for it.

I MADE A DEAL WITH SPIRIT ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO.

When I made this deal, I had already been walking my Spiritual path for 15 years, doing the best I could,
failing,
succeeding,
growing,
hiding,
coming out of hiding,
and ALWAYS COMING BACK TO DO THE WORK.

That 15 years could have been better, faster – It could have been a helluvalot worse.

I had great guidance, good teachers, and I got confronted as hard and deep as I felt like I could handle at each point.

The point is that it was perfect for me – the right teachers and elders, the right ceremonies, the right balance of build-me-up support and kick-my-ass support.

And I am thankful for all of it, even the gut-wrenching-feel-like-my-soul-is-being-ripped-out parts.

What was the deal I made with Spirit?

It was sometime in the 6 months before my 16th year of SunDancing. SunDance is 4 days, no food, no water, where the dancers are dancing their life’s path (represented by a physical path in the dance arbor) and getting more and clear about who they are and how they are to serve the Divine in this life – that’s the simplest description, though woefully inadequate.

I said to Spirit/Divinity:

I WANT TO GO ALL THE WAY. I WANT TO BECOME ENLIGHTENED. I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS.

That felt arrogant, although it was true – that was my desire.

I added:

I DON’T CARE IF IT TAKES A HUNDRED LIFETIMES TO GET THERE.

Then a chill came over me as I felt myself COMMITT to this desire.

AND I AM WILLING TO WALK THROUGH THE FIRE OF MY OWN PAIN TO GET THERE.

My grandmother, the medicine woman, started crying when I told her this.

She said, “Little one, did you hear what you just said? I am so sorry for the pain you are about to go through and so proud of the path you are walking. Oh, little one, I pray that they teach you will as gentle lessons, if you will allow it.”

WELL, I AM STUBBORN AS FUCK! IT HASN’T BEEN GENTLE.

As Brene Brown said, “You know how there are people that when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they kind of surrender and walk into it: A, That’s not me. B, I don’t even hang out with people like that. For me it was a year-long street fight – it was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed; I pushed back. I lost the fight and probably won my life back.”

For me, it felt like years of repeatedly getting KICKED IN THE BALLS!

And at every point I was aware of the gift that was evolving – even when I didn’t want to look at the gift, so I could play the victim and say “poor me.”

EVERY ILLUSION I HAD and

EVERY PLACE I WAS HIDING

got TORN THE FUCK DOWN.

This is what I asked for, Right?!

We can’t see the TRUTH if we are hiding behind our ILLUSIONS.

No wonder I am so good at helping people see through their own illusions and insecurities – I am the master at hiding them!

I KNOW ALL THE TRICKS!

Through major dis-illusionment, through major self-doubt, insecurity, fear of judgment, fear of failure, and loss of friends and family, I found my way.

My life is my work and my business – vulnerability is my business – being exposed is my business.

In today’s noisy world of social media, vulnerability and RAWness is the only thing that people notice.

More importantly, VULNERABILITY and RAWness are the only way to make our lives as awesome as we really dream of them being.

Does that make sense? What goes on inside when you read that?

AREN’T YOU HUNGRY TO BEGIN GROWING INTO THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN DREAMING OF BEING?!!!!!

Do you want the TOOLS and SUPPORT and GUIDANCE to address these issues before they become problems?

Do you have the communication skills to make your relationships AWESOME?

I help people like you to bypass the negative consequences that running from our “DON’T GO THERE” places bring.

With support, guidance, massive compassion, a healthy dose of humor, and a mindset for life success, you can begin living the life of which you have always dreamed.

Sounds impossible? Somewhere deep inside this is the journey you are LONGING FOR!!!

Get in touch with me now to begin your adventure.

Be REAL. Be RAW. Make Your Life AWESOME!

Hiding, Cheating, Lying, & Vulnerability

YOU LEARNED TO LIE! YOU LEARNED TO PLAY IT SAFE!

I know I did!

I learned to not share ME in a vulnerable way!

I have an incredible amount of love to give and I learned to HIDE the love that I have.

I make space for everyone’s vulnerability and make a big enough space that everyone feels emotionally held warmly and snugly and still expansive at the same time – that really is in my zone of genius.

It’s an awesome skill to have as a therapist – not so good to have if I want close satisfying relationships – in order to have close relationships, I have to share ALL OF ME, otherwise I am not fully engaged.

I learned to ONLY share what I sensed that people could handle. Why share more if people are going to freak out?!?!!!!

“IF YOU SHARE YOUR REAL THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU ARE A DEVIANT!”

I grew up in a really conservative, rule-based religious environment – I have always longed for Spiritual FREEDOM!
I grew up in a sexually repressed culture – I have always longed to be sexually free!
I grew up in a judgmental area that SHAMED people into conformity – I longed for a world not fueled by FEAR!

I THOUGHT I WAS JUST A FUCK-UP!

Everyone told me I was wrong. I felt their judgment.

Their convictions ran deep. I must be a fuck up, right?!

Have you ever seen that FB meme that says, “We are all a bunch of Perverts; some of us are just more honest about it!”

It’s true! But not just about LOVE and SEX!

It is a cultural thang! So many of us learned to hide our insecurities in hopes that we won’t be REJECTED and JUDGED – we learned to hide so we could be accepted!

REJECTION AND JUDGMENT SUCK!!!

When we get rejected and judged, we feel like our very SECURITY is on the line.

When people get triggered, they get into judgement and they push away whatever/whoever triggered them.

When people get triggered they vomit their shit all over you. It is like they dip a big paint brush into a bucket of their insecurities and completely cover and SMOTHER you with their “stuff.”

They project all their fears and insecurities onto you – often it feels like they are JUDGING you and/or BLAMING you – they are judging you for BEING WHO YOU ARE!

Have you ever shared something personal, vulnerable and felt like you got PUNISHED for it?

What’s the solution?

We NEED to be open and vulnerable to create close relationships (you can’t have emotional intimacy without it) AND we need to be accepted which necessitates not pushing people’s buttons to the point that they flip out on us, right?

What do you do?

Good news! There is a solution!

The solution should have been taught to us when we were little.

The solution is sooooo fucking simple – and so fucking hard to learn!

The keys to acceptance, security, and vulnerability are our birthright!

Were you given those keys?

When you UN-LEARN how to be un-accepted,
When you un-learn how to be un-secure,
When you un-learn how to be un-vulnerable,
Then you get to practice being ACCEPTED, feeling SECURE, and VULNERABILITY starts to feel really good.

These are just TOOLS that we need in our emotional, and spiritual toolbox. They are the tools with shich we buld an awesome life.

DO YOU HAVE THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO TRANSFORM INTO LIVING YOUR MOST AWESOME LIFE?!

Any guesses what those keys and those tools are?

Be REAL. Be RAW. Make Your Life AWESOME!

Communication, Spiritual Alignment, and Awareness

QUIT WASTING MY TIME!

I don’t care what your intentions were – I’m not here to judge.

I don’t care how smart you are – TALK FROM YOUR HEART!

Have you ever heard that mindset matters?

Michael Jordan missed the first shot he took on a basketball goal – he missed a lot of shots, how did he become the greatest ever?

Wayne Gretsky missed more shots than he made, too! Why is he called The Great One?

How do some people seem to make their life look effortless?

Is it hard work? NO

They work hard. But hard work alone isn’t enough.

Have you ever heard Work Smarter, Not Harder?

WHAT WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE IN RELATIONSHIPS?

If you want success in anything, you not only have to work hard – you have to do the kind of work that gets you where you want to go!

You can do all kinds of work that doesn’t get you going where you want to go. Do you know the difference?

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE “DISCUSSIONS” OR ARGUMENTS THAT GOES ON FOR HOURS AND GOES NOWHERE?!?!

Knowing what to do and how to do it is vital!

No one that I have ever met was taught growing up how to do relationships well.

What’s really going on when there is a problem in our relationships?

YOU haven’t developed the awareness you need to “see through” what’s going on.

What’s REALLY being said?

What’s the (unspoken) sub-text of the deepest relationship dynamics?

Most of us don’t even know what point we are really speaking to when we react to something that someone says – WE DON’T KNOW WHAT GOT TRIGGERED INSIDE US.

YOU CAN’T KNOW UNTIL YOU ARE TAUGHT!

Give yourself the gift of getting the emotional tools, the communication tools, and the spiritual perspective tools you need to MAKE YOUR LIFE TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME!

I have worked my ass off to develop this system that abolishes conflict, creates emotional connection, and gives people the tools to create the life of their dreams.

HOW LONG WILL YOU WAIT TO LEAVE YOUR CURRENT PROBLEMS BEHIND?

Be REAL. Be RAW. Make Your Life AWESOME!