Vulnerability – The Scariest part of Relationships

When I was eleven years old, I took my father’s 8-iron into the yard with a couple of whiffle golf balls. I wanted to hit the ball far! I thought that if I did what felt “strong,” then I would hit the ball far. But my “strong” way usually produced poor results. I hardly hit the ball at all, and I certainly didn’t hit it well swinging the way I wanted to.

My father gently and patiently coached me so I could make a smooth, easy swing. It felt horrible, stiff, and restrictive. The ball flew high, straight, and far! I hated the swing; I hated doing it that way. Yet it worked. What produced good golf shots consistently was doing it my dad’s way. So I practiced doing it my dad’s way over and over and over.

In relationships it is the same way. There is a way that works – There is a way that doesn’t. the way that works doesn’t always feel “strong.”

The less I hide my insecurities, more JOY I have in my life.

The less I hide my insecurities, the more love I have to share.

The less I hide my insecurities, the more satisfaction in relationships,

The less I hide my insecurities, the more success I create.


The less I hide my insecurities, the more SPIRITUAL CONNECTION I have with myself, others, and with the Divine.

#1 Tip to Avoid Arguments – Couple’s Communication


State feelings as feelings;

State opinions as opinions;

Only state facts as facts.


(Snippet from Ch.5 – Pillars of Awesome Relationships)

“The husband kept saying, “You shouldn’t spend so much money. You spend too much money.”

These statements felt like ATTACKING, CONTROLING criticism to his wife. It struck a nerve!

When she felt attacked: she got defensive! She began justifying her spending habits.
To him, this felt like she discounted all of his arguments about why she shouldn’t spend so much money. He would get outraged! He felt like she didn’t care about their finances, when he worried so much.

Not surprisingly, the argument got pretty heated, pretty fast.

I asked him how he was feeling at the exact moment when he realized she had spent money the day before. “She spends too much money,” he replied.

I said that he had not expressed a feeling. He did a half eye roll and said, “I FEEL LIKE SHE SPENDS TOO MUCH MONEY.”

I said, “Thank you, Sir Smart Ass” and again pointed out that he had not expressed a feeling.

I offered: MAD, SAD, GLAD, or AFRAID.

I asked him to take a moment to TAKE A FEW BREATHS and CHECK-IN WITH HIS GUT. After he did this, he admitted, “I was scared.”

What followed was beautiful!

Once he quit trying to win the argument with his wife, he was able to get in touch with the real issue underneath their financial argument. He went on to say that when she spends money, he feels pressure to make more. His business is struggling due to a shift in his industry’s technology and he is scared that his business might fail. I asked him to make eye contact with his wife and tell her how scared he is.

He looked at her and made a sort of apologetic smile (which was all she really needed) and said, “I want you to be able to spend all the money you want. I don’t want you to even have to think about it. And right now, I am so scared that we are going to lose everything. I feel so much pressure to provide for us. I want to provide so much and I am scared our whole business is going to fail. When you spend money, I get mad because it feels like another reminder of how close to losing everything we are.” Then he continued, his voice softening even more, “It feels like just another one of my daily reminders that I am a failure.”

By sharing his feelings at a deeper level, the tone of the conversation shifted from argumentative to compassionate.

She immediately warmed up to him and moved to sit closer to him, and then she apologized for spending so much. She acknowledged that she had spent a lot of money that was not necessary and that she didn’t know he felt so much stress. The two had dropped into a place of close emotional connection, the intimacy was palpable, and I found myself smiling for them.”

-Pillars of Awesome Relationships

To learn how to make your relationship AWESOME, devour this fucking book!

What I Believe . . .


this is what I believe . . .

I believe in love.
I believe that love is the bright light that illuminates our hurts when it is time for our hurts to heal.
I believe there is only one kind of Love, Divine Love.
I believe there are many different flavors to Divine Love and each of those flavors are no less Divine than the others.
I believe that humans have been emotionally wounded – EVERY ONE OF US!
I believe that wounding shows up in myriad ways.
I believe that some people don’t feel LOVABLE, and most of them feel SHAME.
I believe that wounding and shame prevents us from showing up with each other as our best selves AND BEING A PRESENCE OF DIVINE LOVE.
I believe that EVERYONE is capable of feeling Divine Love flowing through them and to them and from them all the time.
I believe a lot of people have not learned how to feel that love consistently, especially during conflict.
I believe people are hungry for the CONFIDENCE that comes from believing they are worthy.
I believe we are WORTHY and that does not change.
I believe that when we are hurt, wounded, and scared, our behavior can be less than loving and some people judge that as “bad.”
I believe that we were taught that the behaviors we call “bad” make us and/or others bad peole.
I believe we make these judgments because we haven’t learned to set appropriate BOUNDARIES around other’s (and our own) behaviors and we lose touch/connection with Divine Love that is available to us every moment.
I believe that many of us have been taught that it is not loving to set BOUNDARIES, that we are not loving, or we are not being loved when boundaries are set with us.
I believe Divine Love is not only available to us, it is what we are.
I believe when we lose touch with our own Divine nature in moments of pain/fear/conflict, we don’t feel Divine Love.
I believe when we learn to heal our hurts, we are able to help others heal theirs.
I believe that spirituality CANNOT be separated from emotional healing and healthy relationships, when we try to focus on any one part or without one of those parts, it doesn’t go as well. (understatement)
I believe that when we heal our hurts we become more in touch with our OWN Divinity.
I believe humans like how it feels to be in touch with their own Divine nature.
I believe we feel Free and INFINITELY LOVABLE when we feel our true, divine selves.
I believe the only thing that prevents us from feeling our True Divine Selves is the hurts and pain and fears we carry with us and the ignorance that results .
I believe we develop ways of thinking and seeing the world that minimize our awareness of our hurts – we avoid seeing them because we don’t want to feel them.
I believe we have thoughts that not only prevent us from feeling those hurts – we have thoughts that perpetuate the hurts.
I believe that feeling pain sucks most of the time.
I believe feeling pain is much less sucky when we know the expanded freedom and Divine Love that that awaits us on the other side of the healing.
I believe that healing requires some emotional skills and the Spiritual skill of feeling Divine Love.
I believe few of us have been taught these skills.
I believe that in order to heal and have AWESOME RELATIONSHIPS, we also need awesome communication skills.
I believe we should all learn the skills, the emotional skills, communication skills, the spiritual skills to help facilitate each other’s healing.
I believe that helping each other heal at the deepest levels makes way for AWESOME RELATIONSHIPS!
I believe that AWESOME RELATIONSHIPS is one of the greatest vehicles for feeling and experiencing Divine Love in our lives.
I believe in YOU!
I believe that you are a Gift!
I believe that if you are not feeling like a gift to the world and to the people in your life, it is because there is some hurt, fear blocking that awareness/experience.
I believe we all have an incredible capacity to love and be loved.
I believe humans are here to experience our own unique expression of Divine Love that is expressed in our own unique desires, talents, and feelings.
I believe that a great life coach it is time for you to contact me to begin the next phase of your journey in being your True Divine Self and healing what gets in the way of you feeling and knowing how AWESOME you really are.